Sure, like everyone I think about my accomplishments Vs my goals …But, lately, I have begun view accomplishment/ non-accomplishment with a sense of relativity and maybe with a broader focal point.
Firstly, we ALWAYS accomplish something, whether it be positive …or negative. Furthermore, When we are dealing with people, what we accomplish is the result of communication and actions...our own as well as the other person’s.
I say it this way because we tend to think about these 2 things separately, unless we are performing the action of communication.Although, every communication is an action …and every action is ultimately a communication.
Moreover, non-action is a form of communication and non-communication is a form of action…communication.
Now when we say communicate…most people visualize a spoken conversation, face to face…and thats cool, here’s what I’m thinking. A lot of people come away from a conversation with negative results even though they intended something different.
So, what happens to our words? The fact is that our words are really just a small part of a conversation,(though no less important). This is where the action part of communication comes into affect. Now, I am not talking of blatant contradiction such as asking about a person’s day and smacking the crap out of them at the same time. At that point we would already know the answer.
What I am talking about, is on a much more subtle level. You see, the larger part of communication has nothing to do with words. We could dissect it 3 ways…verbally,physically and energetically.
Verbal: This would seem fairly straight forward…however, the words are just the beginning. what words did we choose? what were the intonations/ inflections of the chosen words? were we speaking rapidly with volume making things urgent…or slowly and quietly with a sense of ease? The way you say something is as important as what you say.
Physical: What is the expression on our face as we speak? Are we patting someone on the back patronizingly as we talk…are we leaning in attentively? Or, is our proximity closer in an aggressive/ dominating way. What gestures are our hands creating? For most people, 3ft. of distance is acceptable personal space. At 1.5ft of distance there becomes implied intimacy. Are we paying attention to these factors?
Energetic: Now this is extremely important…our intention is always picked up on an energetic/spiritual level by the energetic body. We all have one and they communicate, whether we speak or remain silent .
So I pose the question …to myself as well…are we REALLY LISTENING to the people we speak with during our day? Are we actively listening with ALL of our senses? Do we have an awareness of not only what is being conveyed to us…but what we are REALLY conveying to someone else as well? Is it what we really wanted to say? It should be clear by now that there is much to consider.
Active listening also means: That we take all of the above variables into consideration, plus, checking in with the person we are talking to…such as, “what I hear you saying is,” or, “If I understand what you mean”. Speaking this way creates an atmosphere of clarity for all parties concerned…
Even if we really listen: it does not guarantee that you will never be mis-understood…or mis-understand. Everyone may not listen the same way. But, at least you know, you were REALLY LISTENING:)
Namaste, Steve Lynch, LMT, AAS/ Holistic Health, CTE, Trainer